conscious vanguard: 2009

streamy on the UNDERground:

MIMI SHKOOB CIOFFI:

Well we’re here, headed to bergen, eh, no bagels. Fuck this early shit. We gotta follower! So many fuckin people. This is hard. I wanna sit. SIGNALSS inmy BEEEDD. Plunge! Forward. G-trains extra shaky. Yeah. Squeeze some mood! Hoyt eats a lot of beans. I gotta seat. I’m a tad hot. I want more coffee. Whatchya lookin @ man. Funny faces in the mirror of the bathroom! Rabbit brooklyn NY, doofy stare. Lets go? Stop, go, surfing! On the train. People. Fuck ‘em. They’re cute. In love. Baby kiss. I MIGHT FALL AH! Everyones face.dauuh. His nose is perhaps longer or maybe pointier than his toes. Rolling stone. BLAYH! They’re reading, looking & wondering WHEN! How! WHY! And maybe, even, HERE? Lift and sip. Curled toes keep ya steady. That’s nice. You’re happy and singing.but shut the fuck up! Play-play. WHERE WE ALL GOING? This is a moment in between. Lets breathe. Lets smile. Eye contact here is like eating grapes...eating grapefruit; sweet for a delayed second before or during your first time, then sour retaliation and I’m looking here again. Perhaps we should stare. Her icey-blue eyes looked up, like, “WHY ARE YOU SINGING? Shit, that’s more like fuckin’ whining.” is it a girl? Do I SEE boobs? Barely. But no facial hairs. I don’t even like boobs and “icey-blue”, we’ll call her, stared at the lovers like, “They love? Ehhhh I HATE them.” but she just wants love. I CAN LOVE YOU, LADY! Ha fuck gill, I got a seat. THIS MAN IS SOO BUSINESS. And I’m animal. Does he know it? Is he happy about it? ARE YOU PEOPLE HAPPY? Happy to go where you’re going? Do you WANT to go there, like really? Fuck it. Pole dance, mommi. Read the news. THEN TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! I’d rather stand because if any one read this, I’d FUCKIN’ explode.GIll is commenting on the chocolate lady like condoleezAH BROWN rice. One more stop. So if you’re staring, does that mean you HEAR?

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(December 12)
I create the best snuggle bunny in the world that appears when I say “HUG ME!!” and leaves room or even has a space for that arm and holds me just right. It is soft as baby powder itself and whispers “it’s all OK” and scratches my head and arm and its heart beats in perfect unison with mine.
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(In old ecology notebook from Oct 2009)
Love
Is dangerous
And fucks with humans’ brains
Chairs are blue
And inferring some sort of inclination
I want to SIT UP I said
But I keep on sliding
They giggle at the murdered ducks
And there’s not even enough plants
Crowds result
In disease
So RUN! BE ALL ALONE
With a hollow heart and
Stagnant brain.
_

(Hard Black writer-notebook)

(Dec 10th)
What a glorious notebook. What a glorious world.
What is all this shit?
The way we live/exist...
The concept of meaning and purpose
The hopes and worries
They eat us alive.
When will we let go of everything
We know or at least what hurts us?
When will we write new books or
Wake the fuck up to the obvious?
I mean... The planet is dying, we’re
Fighting an endless war, everyone hate
Themselves, we are only developing new diseases
Rather than cures.
We all underestimate or are unaware of
The power we have to create
Anything we can possibly imagine
Our reality is old and worn out,
Smiles are few & distorted.
The blade has ruled us for about
1000 years too long and we’re officially all fucked
But we are not ANY LESS POWERFUL
We believe what they tell us.
Question everything!!!
If you could create a whole new world what would it be like?
Out thoughts are ALL that is real
What we claim as false or unreal or nonsense is
Only that ‘cause we claim it.
Get it?
You’re sick and that medicine will work
‘cause Doc said so and you listen.
Studies are studies. And facts are just facts.
But EVERYTHING IS A BELIEF by someone.
And anything can be made real!
You don’t have to wait until you die
To be happy
To be alive.
We’re all here and in a body
Being. (in some way)
All we know could be different
If that one guy didn’t write that
Or discover that, or claim this.
What I’m saying is...
The way we evolved is something beautiful in its own.
But it could have been completely different
What if a man said disease was non-existent
It’s just SHIT
There is no ABSOLUTE TRUTH
It is all based on a thought/study/concept of someone
Else.
Reality is created.
What we deem real or unreal is only that
‘cause we say so.
Or they say so.
Our history is a story of different people
Doing and saying different things.
And now we’re here.
And fucked and mostly unhappy.
So now WHAT?
Can we clean our heads and start all new?
I hope.
I don’t know.
But let’s make it work for US!
Not kill us.
What if the concept of war never had been discovered or was thought, as we now think of humans flying, unreal?
Then what?
You see?
It is all a story. All made up at one point.
Let’s make “everyone OK” up.
_

(Saturday December 12 6:08 PM)
Actually, 6:09 PM now.
Suppose I could get fixated on that for a while. The time. Changing or not. Time. It seems to be pretty fucking consistent. Fuck! Text distractions! Ok. Ok time. Oh time. It is probably human(ity)’s worse/greatest enemy. We base it ALL off of time. All of our goals/duties/purposes are held up and controled/directed time. With time, we are imprisoned. Must get there by then, must do this by then, must use that for this long, and then must set this alarm for WHEN!? Whoa. Time is our god. Whoever that is. Time rules us so ass backwards that we do all this by then so the “person” in charge is pleased. But that person, who institutes time-lines or restraints, may feel in control, but time is not close to being in their control and they’re just as controlled/run by it. So who is free?? HEY HUMANS! Did I just find a common ground for us all to be connected by? (probably not). But who is free of time? I am. Hobos are. Any one who’s got nuthin’ to do but they’re own made up shit, and even then we, or I, in this case, create my own goals based on time. Without time would we complete anything?! Why is time against us? Or is it? Perhaps it is for us, because it WORKS. It works with our brains and that reason only being because it works in our “civilization”. It works hard. It is everything, but really it is nothing. Can you see time? To be literal and as “real” as possible, that answer is “no”. So look at that, would you!? In a society where reality is based on all of which is seen, the ruler that keeps it all going (or not) is an invisible entity. Is time just a figment of our brainal construct/ imagination? Well one may say, “no, people age as time passes and then we die.” So time says, “Here, humans, live in this crazy, distorted world and if one of your human-created monstrosities doesn’t kill you, if you manage to get by with being OK, well then I’ll kill you at a time you know is about/ or so “right”. So what? We base everything we do and create off the notion that we won’t be here forever and therefore must “get shit done” and do “work” so that when the moment comes when we’re finally OK with doing nothing and just allowing the world to go/ time to pass by, we can “die” in “peace” and folks, THAT is “normal”!
REALLY?????
Well, it seems pretty obvious to me that us humans only use a tiny, tiny bit of the MASSIVE (and biggest, at that) brain resting so slyly behind our beautiful fucking eyes. That organ up top is SOMETHING ELSE, I tell you. I tell you. Yes. Hey did you know we actually CAN fly? Oh yes. And we CAN be in two places at once. Uh-huh. Better believe it! (or else it won’t work, hence that think “reality”) Hey. All I am saying is all I ever say and if you know me or read me, you know that is, nothing(??) Wrong. NUTHIN’! But really, I just think we can do anything we damn believe! So they don’t teach us how to fly or talk to animals or, on a level less high (but not really), how to be OK in school, but everyone knows that education system is fucked! It may just be “time” (most definitely, I say) to write new books, explore new ways of ‘doing’/’being’/existing as a species. Because, depending on your perspective or awareness (as per usual), this planet is TELLING us we’re treating it poorly and the local and/or global news (which is distorted with one too many filters) shows us CLEARLY that our species is lost/confused by all our “shit” and we’re killing our own on the dismantled building blocks that happiness once (though centuries ago) rested as the builder/ruler of. Too much of the true “good” has been deemed unimaginable and the universal-all-connected-one, which too many have lost touch of, is THRIVING now for us to begin. LET US BE(GIN)! We CAN all by truly happy. We CAN all be in peace together. All we have to do is tell the newscaster and “the-devil-on-our-shoulder” to SHUT UP and BELIEVE in the positive-power or our brains, one, and love. The journey will feel beautiful. Smile! It is all ok.
-MC

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(12/12/09)
Let’s play a game
The rules are
Well there is only one
We must pretend It is all OK.
(‘cause it already is)
Next
We create. We invent.
And if we win (the game)
We believe.
Let us begin!
I invent that when humans smile sparkles shoot out of their ears! (oh boy, this is fun!)
I invent a flower that says, “you’re beautiful” when its petals are caressed!
I create paper that when I write my worries down on it, it transforms them into aspirations!
(okay, this is definitely the best game ever)
Ok!ok! I invent shoes that when traded with another’s they allow us to metaphorically walk in their shoes!
I create a jumpsuit that has invisibility/flying/ and space-traveling powers!
I invent contagious happiness.
(oh, good one!)
I create a universal love for oneself and everyone!
(oh, you’re good!)
I create a medicinal world based soley on nature’s gifts.
(this would replace the *current medical ways)
I invent a relationship between humans and animals that treats both with love & respect for their existence.
I invent the ability to communicate with animals and all multi-celled beings. (plants too!)
I create jello baths! (without gelatin, of course)
HEY WHAT’S THIS GAME CALLED?!
Life. It’s everlasting.
(Oh, I believe it!)

still writing in this thing that may be a book.!?

And maybe I feel like I am broken record. But broken records skip and do all kinds of things we don’t want them to do because we know they are supposed to do something else, But then again, maybe it is okay to let it keep spinning, spinning, and going until we can just allow ourselves to not get up and fix it or flip it, and yes, I am now talking about the record when it is at the end and not broken, but just spinning and making that noise, that if your speakers are loud enough, or you listen close enough, you can formulate some word or phrase being repeated, again and again. How long can we allow this record to spin? How long can we be okay, or how long will it take to get ourselves to a point of “okayness” to accept the noise and reptition and let go of the desire to change or alter this state?

What the hell is point? I mean, I know, I want to hear the other side of the record too, but also, I think it would be an intersting experiment to observe the brain as it is challanged to do something different from what it NATURALLY does without us even being aware.

Just an awareness strengthner and over-all wonderer I spose’.

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OhYEAH and now here I am fucking my brains out of the house with little people and stagnant statuses of sticky stuck silicon symbols of NOTHING.

And then it is GOING to happen and NOT FOR LONG and it feels like an ordinary moment when you KNOW IT IS ALLL depending on this ONE time,

And it’s as if you wont even realize it’s happening
Because its happening
Right
NOW.

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This flame is your spirit. It is what makes you, you. It is why you laugh at what you laugh at and why you yell the things you yell and why you get close to those of whom you get close to.

Keep your flame burning. DO all you need to fuel it. AND IF IT GOES OUT, if you feel down so far down and so defeated, become aware of this.

Then, look up.

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There is something, something about smiling that is happy. Well yes, of course, when we are happy, we often smile. But what about when we’re not happy? What if we smile then? I often find that I do not feel happy, and yet I have no idea why. So then I just smile and it’s like a rush of good feeling and I remember why I am happy.\

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